Embracing the Inner Critic:

At its core, IFS is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy, designed to help individuals understand the different parts of themselves and how these parts work together. Central to the IFS approach is the notion that every person possesses self-energy—an innate sense of compassion and calmness—and numerous "parts" or sub-personalities, including the inner critic.

In midlife, many of us may find that voice gets louder.

Our April Masterclass looked to explore the ‘why’ and to learn more about how reframing that inner part & can offer us a route to feeling whole.

The Inner Critic: Not a Problem, but a Protector

Soulla Demetriou, self-compassion expert, embodiment facilitator, trauma-informed somatic therapist and author of the best-selling self-paced guide You Have Always Been Enough: A healing guide to self-love and inner freedom is an expert in the field and describes the concept of the inner critic as ‘ a protector rather than a foe’.

‘Often, this critical voice is a protective mechanism developed during our formative years to shield us from shame, rejection, or abandonment.’

Exploring the Types of Inner Critics

Many of us recognise the inner critic's voice, but in IFS  it is identified through a number of lens:

• Perfectionist: Sets unattainable standards to avoid failure and judgment.
• Task Master: Constantly pushes you to do more, equating productivity with worth.
• Underminer: Instills doubt and discourages taking risks.
• Inner Controller: Creates shame as a control mechanism, often related to behavior regulation.
• Destroyer: Conveys a deep sense of unworthiness.
• Guilt Tripper: Fixates on past mistakes to prevent future errors.
• Molder: Encourages conformity to avoid rejection.
  

Many of us will ‘hear’ or recognise more than one form too. Understanding the motivations behind the behaviour, with compassion and love, is key to the ‘unlock’ that IFS offers so many.

Soulla will often invite her clients to speak to their inner critic as they would a close friend - or to talk through the lens of love;

‘It can be really powerful to simply ask; ‘what would love say’? Because we know love always responds with love. It’s a bit like a ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ strategy and it can work so well.  You don’t have to feel love - yet - but by asking yourself the question you start to appreciate what this part of you needs to feel safe’.

Internal Family Systems  emphasises  the power of compassion in reshaping our relationship with ourselves. By understanding and befriending our inner critics, we pave the way for a more harmonious and fulfilling existence. Soulla’s insight into IFS and the nurturing approach to self-criticism offer a pathway to self-understanding and healing, at a time when many of us need it most;

‘In midlife, we’re dealing with so much. And, when we think about our protective inner ‘parts’ - including the inner critics - they’ve been protecting us, alone, for so long. This is often the time in life when the pressure, on them, becomes too much to bear’.

What those parts often need is awareness that the world is not as dangerous as they perceive it - or it once was; that, as women in midlife, we’re ok, we can do hard things. From that place, the hypervigilance, the protective measures our inner parts will always take to keep us safe, can be re-evaluated - and we can move forward feeling whole.

Further Exploration

Soulla’s newly released book: You Have Always Been Enough: A healing guide to self-love and inner freedom is available for purchase now.